Search
by embrace-insanity
Summary: Welcome to Search, the newest reality show featuring The Joker, Batman, Harvey, Alfred, and me. What is Search? Read and find out! Rated T for violence, but it's really not that bad.


**Note: The characters are the same from my "Dark Knight Jeopardy and Other Stories" thing, which means they aren't introduced again. And everyone still loves to kill Harvey. Enjoy!**

Ominous Announcer Voice From Above: Ladies and Gentleman, we'd like to welcome you to our new show, _The Search. _In yet another attempt at a lame reality TV show, we've taken The Joker, Batman, Harvey Dent, Alfred Pennyworth, and some girl named Jessica, forcibly broken into their homes and drugged them, and then brought them down to our studios and locked them in a room together! But here's the catch…one person is missing, and the others only have twenty-four hours to find this person before each one has millions of dollars withdrawn from their bank account!!!

Audience: *scratches heads* We don't get it.

Announcer: Do I have to explain all that again?

Audience: Maybe we should go see _So You Think You Can Dance_…*gets up to leave studio*

Announcer: Wait!!! This show has death, and uh…uh…

Audience: And…?

Announcer: Chocolate? Republicans? Tractors?

Audience: TRACTORS????? We're so in.

Announcer: *evil laughter* Alright then, let's begin!

***Somewhere deep inside the studio in a small locked room, The Joker, Batman, Alfred, and Jessica wake up***

Jessica: *looks around* Not this again. How'd we get here??? *glares at Joker* It was you, wasn't it???

Joker: *rubbing head* Well, I'd love to take credit, but…

Batman: *grabs Joker and bangs his head into the wall* WHAT DID YOU DO????

Joker: *cackles* Wouldn't you like to know!!!

Alfred: This doesn't look at all like The Joker's doing.

Joker: Yeah, I would have at least taken the time to put bombs around your chests, or give you some horrific life-altering decision to make so you would clearly see that the world—

*A voice crackles through on a hidden speaker*

Voice: Hello!

Jessica: AHHHHHHHHHHH! *gets startled and falls onto Joker*

Joker: *pushes Jessica off* Hey, I know you love me, but this just isn't the time…*cackles*

Jessica: *spends next five minutes shivering in the corner and trying not to barf*

Voice: Eh em.

Batman: Can't you see I'm busy thinking about myself?

Voice: How could I see—

Alfred: Hey, give the man some privacy! Those thoughts are precious!!!

Jessica: Okay, random voice. Are you the guy who put us in here? Are we in Saw?

Voice: Yes.

Joker: WOOOOOOOOO! I LOVE THAT MOVIE!!!! *proceeds to pull out saw and creepy puppet and chases Batman around the room with them*

Batman: AHHHHHHH! PUPPETS ARE MY WEAKNESS!!!!!!!!!!!

Voice: NO! I meant yes to the fact that I'm the person who put you in here. You're on a reality show.

Batman: *gasps* Is it _More to Love? _Because that so describes me.

Voice: No, it's—

Joker: Is it _So You Think You Can Dance_!!!I have some awesome moves! *starts doing "The Robot"*

Voice: That's the most terrible robot I've eve—

Alfred: PLEASE TELL ME WE'RE ON _DAISY OF LOVE_!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everybody: *stares at Alfred for a very long time*

Jessica: Really, Alfred?

Alfred: What can I say? I'm a partier.

Joker: In the what, 1800's? Alfred, my friend, you're old. You couldn't be more saggy in your—

Voice: YOU'RE ON A SHOW CALLED _SEARCH_, OKAY???? You're searching for someone, and you only have twenty-four hours to find them.

Batman: Who's lost?

Voice: He's a prominent figure in Gotham, someone you all know…

Batman: Me?

Jessica: *rolls eyes* Yep, you're the one missing! Good thing we figured _that _one out!

Batman: *looks around at everyone* I hope you guys find me. I think you have a really good shot.

Voice: Okay, any guesses on who it really is? His name starts with an H.

Joker: Oh, wait, wait! He's that fellow who wants to bring peace to Gotham and then gather up all the children and make them sing and turn every bomb into a piñata, right? And he's also the same person who has been killed by all of us numerous times to hilarious effects, am I correct?

Voice: Um…

Joker: *laughs for no reason* What's his name…Happy Idiot? Horrible Dweeb-face from Hell? Help me out here, guys.

Alfred: Is it Daisy? She's amaaaaazing.

Batman: Batman?

Jessica: It's Harvey. Harvey Dent.

Joker: Oh yeah…_him._

Batman: He's the one missing?

Voice: *laughing* Yes! Now, you must break out of this room and…go find him!!!  
Jessica: Why would I waste my time finding that moron? YOUR SHOW DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!!!

Joker: You guys are _really _bad at this. What's our motive? What's _your _motive?

Alfred: I believe that we should stay here!!!

Batman: Alfred's accent has never let us down before. We're staying.

Voice: GRRRR….hold on, please.

***The lights go off and everybody is drugged again. When the lights turn back on, this is what the group finds…***

Jessica: GOD DANG THEM!!!

Joker: Not so loud, please. You're going to wake the dogs. *cackles as he gestures to pants*

Jessica: You have dogs in your…?

Joker: Sh. I'm saving them for something special.

Batman: *wakes up* Oh, not again. *looks around* Oh my god, where's Alfred???

Harvey: *waking up in Alfred's spot* *waves weakly* Oh, hey guys.

Joker: *lets dogs loose*

Harvey: *screams as dogs attack him* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *dies*

Voice: Hello, everyone.

Jessica: *gets startled and lands on Joker again* AHHHHHHHH! You've got to stop doing that.

Joker: _Excuse me. _*pushes Jessica into Batman*

Batman: I know you love me, but not now, okay? My butler's gone.

Jessica: *goes back to corner to continue shivering and trying not to barf*

Voice: *sighs* Focus. Our ratings are going down the toilet because the show hasn't actually started yet.

Batman: HEY, _THIS IS REALITY,_ MAN!!!

Everybody: Okay…

Joker: You want ratings? I'll give you ratings!!!

Harvey: *alive* Nice puppies, nice puppies…

Joker: Heh heh heh…*moves in close to Harvey, holding a pickle, a spatula, and a bazooka*

Harvey: Whoa whoa whoa…WHOA WHOA WHOA…

Voice: Okay, there's no need for that…

Batman and Jessica: *chanting* DO IT! DO IT!

Joker: *cackling*

Harvey: *screaming like a girl*

Voice: Hey, this is a family show!!!

Jessica: Yeah, cuz that makes sense.

Joker: Oh, a _family _show? Well, in that case…*murders Harvey with pickle, spatula and bazooka in a way that will never be triumphed or equaled* And that, kiddies, is how to murder someone with…common household objects.

Batman: How are you not deeply conflicted by your actions???

Joker: It's Harvey.

Batman: Oh yeah! *starts laughing*

Jessica: Is a bazooka really a common household object?

Joker: *gives Jessica a look that tells her she's an idiot* Where did you grow up?

Jessica: Where did _you _grow up?

Joker: *flicks out knife and begins to walk over to Jessica* That's an interesting story…we can tell stories on a _family show, _can't we?

Jessica: Never mind.

Voice: Remember your mission…

Harvey: *alive* I haven't been alive long enough to figure out anything!!!

Voice: You're trying to find Alfred.

Batman: I murdered him before he heard you. Sorry.

Joker: *starts laughing and moves in to high-five Batman*

Batman: Whoa, no. I don't high five criminals. Especially when my butler's missing. That's a mistake I won't make twice.

Everybody: *wonders what the frick he's talking about*

Voice: I'm going to go now, okay?

Jessica: See ya. Hey, could you get us some chips while you're gone?

Batman: I used to ask Alfred the same thing!!!!!!!!!!!!! *sniffles* I'm really starting to miss that accent.

Voice: You don't seem to get it. You. Need. To. Leave. This. Room. You only get a day to find Alfred. And he could be anywhere. And if you lose, we take all of your money.

Batman: *nearly dies* BUT I PAID FOR MY PENTHOUSE WITH MONEY!!!

Voice: Exactly.

Jessica: I don't have any anyway.

Harvey: *alive* SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!!! PLEASE, I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME!!!

Joker: *kills Harvey* This is better than money. I could live off of this. *cackles*

Voice: *sighs* Okay. This room is going to be filled with toxic chemicals in about two minutes. Get out or die. Got it? Sheesh, you people are idiots. *the voice disappears*

Joker: *cheers* There you go! You're getting better at this!

Jessica: *freaking out* *turns to Batman* YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO BLAST THROUGH THE DOOR, RIGHT???? RIGHT?!??!?!?

Batman: Um…*roots around pockets of batsuit* Lint, paper clip, picture of me and Alfred in the Bahamas, picture of just Alfred in the Bahamas, picture of me and Alfred riding dolphins in the Bahamas, picture of just me—

Jessica: YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT!!!

Batman: But the Bahamas are awesome!!!

Joker: I have a knife.

Jessica: *suddenly becoming Joker's best friend* Yes, you certainly do. It's a very handsome knife. Mind giving it to me? I'll only need it for a minute.

Joker: Oh, I could, I could…but what would you do for it? What would you do if, say, I _didn't_ hand it over to you?

Jessica: Well, I'd have no choice but to kill you…? Right? That's what you want me to say?

Joker: *applauds* WELL…_go ahead then._

Jessica: *nervously* Uh…ah, okay…I haven't really done this to anyone but Harvey, so sorry if I'm a little shaky…

Joker: Do it.

Jessica: Um…it's just more spontaneous…when I kill him…there's more anger…and, uh…are you gonna fight back…? Cuz, I don't know if I could—

Joker: DO. IT.

Batman: C'mon, Jessica, it's your time to shine! *dance move* WOO! I'm on fiiiiiiire!

Jessica: Um…okay. *punches Joker lightly*

Joker: Oh, _ow._ Ow. Ow. OW.

Jessica: Alright, this ain't gonna work. *walks over to Harvey's dead body, picks it up and uses it as a battering ram to get the door open*

Batman: AND I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! FREEEEEEEEFALLIN'!

Joker: What? Nirvana?

Batman: *shifty eyes* Oh. What?

Joker: Never mind.

*Poisonous gas fills the room as the group makes their way out*

Harvey: *alive* OWWWW! MY HEAD FRIGGING HURTS!!! What'd you do to it???

Jessica: Used it as a battering ram to get a door open.

Harvey: Oh. OW! COULDN'T YOU HAVE AT LEAST ASKED BEFORE YOU DID THAT?????

Jessica: *slaps forehead and looks at others* Oh, duh! We should've! Except for the fact that you were DEAD!!!

Joker: Hey, we're on TV. We need to give the people some entertainment, wouldn't you say?

Batman: Does that entertainment involve finding Alfred or dismembering Harvey?

Joker: We could make time for both. *gets evil look in eye and cackles*

Batman: *cackles*

Joker: *loses look* Whoa, whoa, whoa! Copyright infringement!!!

Batman: What?

Jessica: What?

Harvey: What'd you griddle, home diddle?

Jessica: *kills Harvey*

Joker: I said, COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT. He's laughing like me. I mean, if every guy with some cheap cosmetics and a tailor wanted to do this, I'd be outta business.

Jessica: *shakes head* And you said you had no rules.

Joker: Yeah, but it's a _copyright._

Batman: Don't try to make it cool.

Joker: *looks down at the ground and sighs*

Jessica: *claps hands* Okay, so…we have to make it out of the studio, I'm guessing. How much time do we have to find Alfred…?

Voice: Twenty-three hours and twenty-one minutes.

Jessica: AHHHHHHHH!

Voice: *laughs* Oh, that's good. Bye!

*The voice disappears*

Batman: Let's do this! FOR ALFRED!!!

Jessica: YEAH!

Joker: WOO!  
Harvey: *alive* Okay…

***The group slowly makes their way down the halls of the studio…***

***And now, it's time for an audience poll!***

Announcer: Okay, so how did you like that?

Audience: YOU PROMISED US TRACTORS!!!! WHERE ARE THE TRACTORS???

Announcer: They're coming. But…what do you think of the premise? Of the characters? You, lady in the green shirt?

Lady in the green shirt: *stands up* I want my tractor! *sits down*

Audience: *applauds profusely*

Announcer: Okay…what about you, man in the red hat?

Man in the red hat: The premise is stupid because it doesn't have singing, dancing, or dating. The characters talk too much, like my wife.

Man's wife: *slaps him very hard*

Man: Ow! But anyway, you get the point. You need to throw some excitement at them. Like tractors! LOTS OF TRACTORS!!!

Audience: *cheers with tears in their eyes* That man is an American Hero!!!

Announcer: Okay…who's your favorite character? Kid with the green hair?

Kid: The Joker's all there is, man. He _is _the universe.

Announcer: Yeah. Okay. You, old lady?

Old lady: I liked Alfred for his accent, except I didn't know what he was going on about with that _Daffodil of Love. _

Announcer: And, one final opinion…how about you, pregnant woman?

Pregnant woman: I love Batman!!! He's so dashing! I just wish he could take off that mask and give us a piece of who he really is…

Audience: *mixed laughter and fake gasps*

Pregnant woman: *blushes* AND GIVE MY BABY MORE TRACTORS!!!

Audience: HERE HERE!!!

Announcer: We'll be back with more show after these commercial breaks!!!

**Well, there you have it! As usual, nobody really accomplished anything, but what's to be expected? :) **

**Reviews, please? **


End file.
